Melissa's moment of muse

Approach with Boldness

2011-12-05T12:44:00.000-08:00

This morning one of our children in the church approached our lead pastor with a question. The little guy needed to be at children's musical practice and our lead pastor's wife happens to be the director of our children's choir. So he asked Andy where his wife was (actually due to some confusion he asked where his mom was...but Andy knew who he was looking for). Now this does not seem that unusual because our lead pastor happens to be very kid approachable. It is not a big deal for a child to walk up to Andy with a question of any sort.

How this particular exchange stands out has more to do with timing. Andy was wrapping up his sermon and happened to be behind the pulpit in the front of the Sanctuary at the time of the question. The little guy just came through the back door walked down the aisle straight up to Andy and inquired on the whereabouts of the children's music director.

There are so many things to say about this moment. Not the least of them being that Andy had just finished a sermon about our expectations and how this Advent we need to have our routine/tradition shaken. There also is the pure joy that in our congregation a child feels free enough to enter the Sanctuary and find out what he needs to know.

For me, this moment captures all of those points plus so much more. Yet, this afternoon what I happen to be processing is how completely un-bold I am in approaching my God. What about you? How many times are we limited by what those around us may think as we approach God? What about the thought some people have, "God has a lot of other things, more important things than what I have to ask"? Instead of just going to the one that we know will be able to help us, we waste a lot of time asking others.

When the child came up to Andy, all I could think was how cute he was and how great the exchange was. Why, because I like this kid. I like his family. He makes me smile. He was born and has grown up in this church. Now if I can love this exchange because of my thoughts about this kid, how much more does God desire us to approach the throne? God loves us intimately and unconditionally. There is nothing that would make God look at us and think “Get outta here”. Yet, how timid I am in my approach before God.

May I learn from a child (surprise, surprise) and approach my God with a boldness and uninhibited with my request.

fifteen minutes

2010-10-28T04:43:00.000-07:00

I pulled into the parking lot at 6:18 and was back in my car and pulling out at 6:32. Fifteen minutes of my time for the day was spent in the surgery admission area of the hospital this morning. I will spend more time digging through the pile on my desk today. I will spend three times that amount filling out budget forms. What does this fifteen minutes mean?

I spent a few minutes of my day in a vulnerable part of this family's day. They are stepping into fear, loss of control, and so many other emotions. Yet, for this moment in time, we stand in a circle and these people allow me into their lives. I get to speak to God on their behalf at this tender time. Many prayers have and will be lifted by each family member over the reason we stand in this waiting room. And I have the privilege of joining the chorus of voices.

This is what it means to be a pastor. It is not easy, it is sometimes uncomfortable and it definitely is not fun. However, sometimes it is the most important thing I will do with my day. Fifteen minutes before the sun has even appeared on the horizon.

My emotions call me to wish this moment away. For this family to not have to take that yellow card and check in at the desk in the middle of the room. Part of me desires to be able to pray away all the anxiety and be able to tell them "it is going to be fine". Yet, the truth is, I don't know what lies ahead. I don't even know what lied behind. I know this moment. I know God is in this moment. I know whatever is to come, God is there. For a moment I get to speak this truth into a life.

This is what it means to be a pastor.

I have no answers. I don't even really know the questions. I can crack a joke and we will laugh through the tears that fill some of our eyes. They will politely ask me questions about my life and I will answer. What does this fifteen minutes mean?

It means I get to be a pastor.

I may not get all the words right and it may be awkward at times. The family has a long day ahead of them in this building as I get to start my car and drive away. However, God is there and for that moment I get to be a part of it.

At least for fifteen minutes.

still processing

2010-10-17T15:09:00.000-07:00

It has almost been 3 weeks since my airplane landed in St. Louis and I returned from my 8 days in Haiti. I wish I could process the experience enough to make sense of everything I saw, smelled and heard. However, I am still sorting through the pictures in my camera and the memories in my mind.

My family never talked much about social justice or the government's role in welfare. My mom just one day said, "we do not need more stuff and there are families in Springfield that do not have. So, we are going to give to others". I don't know if I have ever heard my mother talk about how the system is broken, I just have watched her give to those without. So, in turn that is all I know. I don't do well in a discussion about what causes poverty, I just want to do something to change a life. I may not always get it right, but my heart still strives to figure it out.

Don't get me wrong. I believe those discussions about how to fix the system is necessary and I am thankful for those that engage in the conversation.

However, when it comes to Haiti the conversation is overwhelming and the discussions could be endless. Answers would be difficult to find, if not impossible.

The election for President of Haiti is just around the corner. Is there a political answer to the brokenness I saw? I don't know. But somehow I think that Betsy, who carries water from the well to the shower/bathroom area in rural Mellier probably isn't going to vote.

It is about water that is not fit to drink, homes that are still in rubble and the grief that this country knows all too well after the January earthquake. It is about children that carry parasites that their little bodies may not be able to always fight off. It is about a young man that just wants the chance to continue his education.

And for me, it is about what can I do? Not my analysis of the situation or my opinion on whether the US money made it there. It is about the faces of children I cannot get out of my head and what can I personally do to help them?

So, yea I am still processing.

Really?

2010-07-24T14:31:00.000-07:00

I have been in some form of ministry for 20 years, so this issue is not a new one. However, usually I am able to claim John Wesley's catholic spirit and peace is continued. So, I am not sure what it was about today that triggered my passion. Maybe it was a reminder of the gifts of ministry I saw in a young woman just this afternoon. Or maybe it was simply that I had not eaten for 15 hours and I was just grumpy.

However, please and I do mean please do not tell a young woman that there is something she can not do simply because of her gender.

You know what I am talking about.

Believe what you desire for yourself and you do not need to embrace a doctrine you cannot agree with for yourself. You can quote me Scripture (I have read them and yes, studied them several times) that makes your point and I will quote you some other Scripture.

I am not here to debate you on the issue of women in ministry.

I feel no need to talk you into believing that I am called by God to be in ministry. I really never have felt a need to rationalize my calling. I do not say this because I am that confident or bold. I say this simply because, if I am called to ministry or not is really not between me and you. It is between me and God. God called me, gifted me and has guided me. If you feel that I received or interpreted this calling incorrectly, the fruit will not be there and the Holy Spirit will move me along to something different. If I could have avoided the calling, I would have. Come on, didn't I just mention I have been in ministry for 20 years. So, this is not about me.

You do not have to listen to a women preach or teach. You never have to believe for yourself that God could call a women to preach. I am not asking for you to change what you believe.

I am asking you to allow a young woman's calling to be between God and her. That is all.

Let her figure it out without tossing some "man" made doctrine into the mix.

Why?

2010-07-12T14:14:00.000-07:00

The question on the application simply asks why do you want to experience international mission? I am not sure how to put into words the part of me that has been crying out for 20 years. “I want to go” seems like such an empty phrase.

We are called to reach out. Somehow I think this includes more than the woman at the Sonic drive-in that hands me my diet coke most afternoons. I stand before a congregation on Sunday morning and challenge them to show Christ’s love to a broken world. Do I really know of God’s world? Do I understand brokenness?

Yes, my heart hurts for those I talk and pray with that are walking through broken marriages and grieving the death of a love one. However has my heart ever really been broken, literally broken due to the compassion I am called to feel for another? A tear may fall, a lump may gather in my throat and at times I have been moved to lift a prayer or throw in a dollar. I can collect food for a shelter, wrap gifts for the local Christmas giveaway and even rebuild the ceiling of a home in intercity Memphis and I am in missions. Yet, somehow my heart has craved more.

The draw for missions comes from the desire to have my small and comfortable world bump up against God’s complete world. To have my heart pierced with what pierces God’s heart. Can that happen as I drive to my air-conditioned office in my paid off Honda Accord?

Why do I want to experience international missions? The circle that I have spent the majority of my life existing is not even a drop of whom I am called to love and serve. My heart knows there is more on the horizon or at least on the other side of an airplane ride.
I want to go.

Let's Get Fired Up!

2010-06-20T14:05:00.000-07:00

We are in the middle of a sermon series titled "Let's Get Fired Up" highlighting the Holy Spirit. In preparation for the sermon this morning I have been humbled by the reality of the power of the Holy Spirit. The third person of the Trinity which includes all the power, abundance and strength our our creator, God.

Think about it, all that power is ours when we receive Christ.

And we are just hanging out on a Sunday morning, just chillin. Not really plugging into the capabilities of the gifts we have been given. If I really understood the power of the Holy Spirit I would be in complete awe a majority of my waking hours.

It was this idea that I was discussing with my mom this afternoon when she reminded me of a little known fact. (Leave it to a mother to point out the obvious).

I was a painfully shy child and still am very shy in so many ways.

Yea, there is the truth. Some that have known me a little longer than a couple decades are well aware of this fact. It is those people that know anytime I stand before more than one person it is the by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Myers-Briggs will show you my introvert score. My heart rate before I have to do anything having to do with public speaking will point out my fear. And yes, my mom will testify to the level of shyness I have been known for.

This afternoon my mom was reminding me of this truth and how God has empowered me to serve.

When we truly surrender to God's call in our lives, whatever that may be for this season in our life, God will enable.

The reasons we do not serve are lame and I have tried most of them. They do not hold up when we honestly consider what God has done for us. The Holy Spirit has gifted us to serve. My heart so desires for God's people to understand this truth and to know how Scripture confirms the reality over and over.

Yet, what my mom reminded me of this afternoon was that it really doesn't matter what Scripture I quote in an attempt to point out this fact. The truth is shown in the simple fact that I could quote Scripture from behind a pulpit in front of people in the first place.

Plugging into that power can be an adventure.

Let's get fired up!

Still Standing at the Gates

2010-04-03T19:58:00.000-07:00

I am still thinking about those "who stand at the gates of righteousness". The sermon from last Sunday is still bouncing around in my head (and heart).

I am processing this idea of receiving those who stand at the gates. I really get that part. I don't always do it right, but I get it. We can always be working on how accepting we are within the church. We should always consider how welcoming we can be in a congregation.

It is about radical hospitality.

However, what about those who never come to the gate? Do you know what I mean? What is the church's role to those who feel lost or left out and approaching the gate is the last thing on their agenda? The people who never make it to the door of the church because of fear or doubt. They don't reach out or even make a peep (that is in honor of the sugary products this Easter season!). They stay hidden in their homes and work places, yet are craving a relationship with their creator. Maybe they have had an active relationship with the church at one time and they have been disappointed. So, now they stand a safe distance from those gates.

And maybe they question why no one has reached out.

Sometimes we are so busy with those that walk in the door or at least turn around in the parking lot, can we really be responsible for those that we are not even aware need us? And if we did schedule some time in our Blackberrys (okay, iPhones) to reach out to those who are quietly questioning faith, how do we know who they are? Okay then if we know who they are and we are aware of the need, how do we reach out? We don't want to step on toes and they have made no hint that they may need to hear of these "gates of righteousness" in which we speak. Really it is none of our business to go there.

Or is it our business?

If the church really buys this thing about an empty tomb more than just a time to fill some pews and pass out some colored eggs to some children, what does that mean? Because of the passionate love of God and the sacrificial gift of Christ, isn't it the business of the church to keep an eye open, an ear to the ground or at least a hand stretched out?

No matter how uncomfortable it gets to go where we are not sure we are invited, we are called to step outside the gates. It is mandatory that the people of the church figure out how to share the incredible news of a savior. It is a good thing that we put on our red (blue, purple, green, yellow) vest and greet people at the gate. It is a wonderful thing to make our churches a place of acceptance and hospitality. However, I think the "radical" part of hospitality means taking one more step and praying about who it is in our worlds that need directions to the gates or maybe even a hand to hold as they walk to the gates of righteousness.

There are people, broken people who fear the gates and they need a friend to say "it can be well with your soul".

Who is going to be that friend? I want to be that kind of radical.

Standing at the Gates!

2010-03-28T20:09:00.000-07:00

It was going to be a busy Sunday. Being the planner that I am, I had decided to skip my normal Sunday lunch with friends for a focused time of preparation. We were hosting Stations of the Cross this afternoon and the crew of volunteers would be there ready to pull the event together in only an hour and a half. I wanted to have things ready so they could just kick it in as soon as they arrived.

Things were clicking along and I had avoided all distractions at this point. As I got ready to move one more table to it's designated area for the afternoon I spotted her in the hallway.

"Can I help you?" I asked from the Fellowship Hall, really hoping the answer would be quick so I could return to my long list.

"I want to pray", her accent was thick. I walked toward her while sharing that the sanctuary is open and she is welcomed to pray. She nodded. I pointed to the door of the sanctuary.

She didn't understand. She told me she had come from a "long way away". From her difficulty finding the English word she desired, I could tell she did not mean Texas. She was having as much luck understanding me as I was understanding her. I realized this was not going to be as simple as pointing to a pew and getting back to the signs that needed to be made.

However, I kept hearing our morning sermon (yes, I get to hear it three times). They stand at the gates and are hungry to enter. "Do we stand as a builder and reject stones or do we stand as a greeter and say 'come on in'?" I opened the door to the sanctuary, motioned and asked her if I could pray with her. I was still holding my sandwich I had been eating as I moved tables. I found a home for my lunch and we moved into a pew.

The more I listened the more I realized that her accent was not the only reason she struggled to find the right words to explain her situation, she was extremely tired. She was overwhelmed. She was concerned for her family. The details of her story are not as important as how for a moment on a Sunday afternoon time stood still.

A women from the other side of the world (literally) was in the neighborhood and saw the church. (I am sure it was the new entryway). She was having the same kind of stresses that every other person that takes a seat in those pews every Sunday has. She needed someone to stop, put down their chicken salad sandwich and listen.

As I prayed over her, she sobbed. Almost as if she was releasing the stresses of the last couple weeks. She stood to leave, I asked her if she would come back and experience the Stations of the Cross. She simply thanked me and said she needed to go.

Because of her weariness and accent, there were moments during our conversation I missed. I am not sure if her sister from Boston is coming back into town. I didn't completely follow if she would visit her son before going back to her country. However, I did catch that she believes a miracle happened today as she walked into the church. I have to agree.
She reminded me that we are both stones that the builders reject, yet we are both passionately loved by God.

May we both stand at the gates of righteousness and beg to come in!

Who hears me?

2010-03-23T10:28:00.000-07:00

I have been having problems with the wireless microphone I use for worship. I have been aware every since at June wedding when I found my voice projected over the speakers as I waited with the groom and the groomsmen. I didn't mean to be heard through the sound system.

So, I am consistently making sure the button is on mute, sometimes pulling the ear piece to my back or turning the microphone off just to make sure. However, over the last nine months, my voice has gone over the sound system when I have desired to be muted. Yea, can you imagine, me wanting to be muted? This past Sunday as I slipped out of worship to make sure phone calls were being made for a cancellation, I made sure the button was on mute as I headed down the hall. Yet, when I took my seat back in the chancel area, Andy said, "we heard your voice over the speakers". Ughhhh.

For months I have been trying to tell people that I am not forgetting to mute my microphone, there is something about the mic. As you can imagine my frustration was high. The sound guy did realize that my mic was coming in and out of mute even when he simply held it in his hand. So, I have given up on wireless #1 countrymen and will make another plan from this point forward. The problem with my microphone is fixed or at least remedied for the moment.

Yet, this experience has gotten me thinking. What if everything we said was heard through a sound system? Would everyone appreciate what you say? Is what we say full of integrity and honor? Wow, that is something to think about.

Next time I prepare to open my mouth, I am going to ask myself those questions. God hears everything I say and really, that should be enough to temper my words. Hmmmm.

When I was little my mother used to say, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". Well, if you can't say something nice, remember it could be heard over the sound system.

Perspective

2010-03-16T09:28:00.000-07:00

I was thinking the other day that I have probably spent around 25 years developing my opinions about issues. That is a lot of time molding my thoughts about the controversial topics in the world.

I go along very peacefully thinking I know how I feel about things. And then someone takes a seat in the cushy chair in my office and tells their story.

Darn it! What does that particular angle of the issue do to my well developed opinions? Sometimes their perspective changes how I thought I felt about something. I am not talking about just rolling with whatever comes across my view and going back and forth as if having no real opinions. I mean, a real life with real emotions and consequences begins to mold how I once thought about something.

Possibly my view were black and white about the situation and I could rationalize the view from Scripture, experience, tradition and reason (yes, wouldn't Outler be proud).

And then I am given a chance to look into a world from a perspective that I have never even considered and the moment changes the issue completely.

My point is...sometimes I can be so sure of what is right and wrong and then God places a person in the midst of my opinion and all of a sudden the issue is not as simple as I so confidently thought all along.

I share this awareness because maybe this is true for you also. Maybe you are pretty sure about how things should be in our country, in our churches and in our lives. However, until we spend a little time in someone else's world we do not really know.

I know, I am as surprised as you that God is moving in me this way.

Another Monday

2010-03-01T20:54:00.000-08:00

Running on very little sleep, my morning started early. However, before the clock got much past a decent hour of 6:45 a.m. I had recieved a phone call and a text message expressing how prayers were being sent to God on my behalf for the day ahead.

I was heading by myself to Columbia for some important interviews. Somehow I knew early, I was not taking this trip alone. Before I reached Lebanon, I had at least a dozen text messages telling me of thoughts and prayers. With each new ring of my phone I felt covered by a community, a support system.

When it had been all said and done, I recieved close to 40 (humbling) text messages, phone calls, facebook posts or offers of prayer expressing encouragement. So, it should come as no surprise that the question during my 3 hours of interviews that brought tears streaming from my eyes was "do you have a support system?"

I wanted to just hand the people behind the table my cellphone and say, "I don't know, what do you think?"

This past weekend at a spiritual renewal weekend I attended, there was a lot of conversation about being in community. I will admit, I had never thought much about community. I have friends, great friends. I have family, an incredible family. Yet, the idea of a community of support had not crossed my mind, until this weekend.

So, this Monday as God hit me with a 2x4 across the head, showing me the blessing of support and I was moved deeply.

Busy people experiencing another busy Monday taking time to express a word of encouragement to me made me realize how vital community is to this walk of faith. This display encourages me to take the time to make that text, write that note, make that phone call to say words of support to another traveling this road.

Because you never know when another Monday will become a sacred Monday.

Women's Retreat

2010-02-02T14:38:00.000-08:00

Another women's retreat has come to a close. The Rubbermaid containers are full of pink fabric and stacked in storage. The feather boa fluff has been cleared from the tile. My office is looking normal again. The retreat is over.

Yet, there is still some fondue pots to be picked up in the kitchen. As a matter of fact, there is still some fondue in the fridge. I still am working on the details of the budget of the event. So, pieces of the event continue.

During the retreat, we talked about a woman named Esther who was beautiful, accepted and called to her destiny. We talked about how we are daughters of the King. We are beautiful, accepted and called by God. Do those pieces of information continue?

The world tells us that we are in constant competition to be beautiful. The hoops we must jump through to be accepted are crazy. And there is always something "more pressing" on our calendar than what God has called us.

So, we can easily let go of some awareness we gained on some snowy January weekend at church. We can pack away the reminders of the weekend and in turn pack away the words God spoke to our hearts.

Ladies, don't let it go. God is still active in this world and wants to show up in you! Put that feather boa on and get to work. Make that next step to which God is calling you. It may be hard, but you do not make it alone. You are a princess and not one that hangs out in the castle waiting for someone to rescue you. You have already been saved. Start living like it.

Get that passport!

Blessings,

Princess Melissa

remodeling

2009-11-15T20:25:00.000-08:00

As I walked up to the church building this morning, I had a realization.
Remodeling is harder than a new build.
Okay, maybe I have not had that much experience with either one. However, hear my reasoning.
With a new build, you get to watch this new creation develop. It is exciting and all "new".
With a remodel, yea, you get to watch "new" happening. However, there is the old being moved to the side. Something has to be removed for the "new" to be built.
As the light post came down and the landscaping disappeared, I felt kind of emotionally attached.
Okay, okay - a little dramatic. I didn't even notice the light post before I saw it on it's side this morning. However, overall there is the whole taking away.
I know it will be wonderful when it is done. (That is not just a "company line", I really can't wait - it is going to be great.)
Yet, there is something about the taking away that makes this remodel hard.

Then it hit me. That is what transformation is about.
In our lives, God is in the business of remodeling. And sometimes that means some old has to go. If God is going to do anything with my life, some old habits have to disappear.
Definitely some walls have to come down.
Maybe even a little digging deep to pull out some old stuff.
God doesn't think "I'll get it right with the next one".
No, God desires to take a surrendered life and make some changes.

As I walked across the dusty, concrete and crowded with "construction stuff" floor of what will soon be the remodeled hospitality room, I smiled.
Can you image what God has to work with?
Thank you, Lord for taking on my remodel. And, its not just a company line - I know you are doing great things in me. It will be great when it is all done.

Sometimes silence is necessary

2009-11-06T21:36:00.000-08:00

This past Thursday I attended a graveside at the Veterans' Cemetery. This was the first time I had been out to this particular cemetery. There was not a cloud in the sky and weather was beautiful. I don't remember ever attending a service with military honors.

There was power as the guns shot in rhythm. There is something incredibly breathe taking as "Taps" was played. Silence filled the area as the flag was folded. There was something rather powerful about watching this take place. A deep respect filled my heart.

All of this to honor a man who had served his country many years ago.

There was no room in this moment for political views or for one's opinion on war. This was a moment for silence.

Later on in the day, my eye caught the television news. Gunfire through an army base. I recognized the name of the base, my brother had done his basic training there. Words of the injuries and death filled the screen. Nothing was in rhythm, "Taps" will be played and the flag will be folded too many times over the next week.

Once again, there was no room at this moment for political views or for one's opinion on war. This is a time for silence and prayer for families.

Scripture as a sword

2009-10-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

Words are powerful.

You know. I know, trust me, I know. I have used them in a positive way and I have used them in a negative way. And yes, I have had them used to encourage me and to beat me down.

However, Scripture was never meant to beat someone down.

The other day, I heard about someone attempting to use Scripture to get "their" point across in a negative way. Ouch!

Have you ever had someone use Scripture to beat you up? I have and it is not pretty.

Taking a verse and adding it to one's opinion as if to give one's negative words power is not the purpose of Scripture.

The Bible is beautiful and alive. The words found in Scripture are meant to guide and help us discern this journey of faith we are on. I have recommended someone read Scripture as they are struggling with direction. However, the recommendation usually is something like this, "Have you read the book of Hebrews lately? The book has some incredible things to say."

I have quoted a verse to express God's incredible and passionate love for humanity. The words were used to strengthen, to uplift, to encourage another person.

I have heard it expressed that the Word is a sword to be used against evil, not against each other. Yet, people do it.

People use this incredible communication from God as a weapon to slice another person.

I am not trying to "beat someone up" with my words in this blog. I am just trying to say, "hey, think about what you are doing before you do it, please".

As someone has shot at me with a list of single verses, my love affair with God's Word was not effected. However, my opinion of the person went south.

Yet, those that have been the target of negative prooftexting Scripture can quickly have a negative opinion of the Scripture.

Do you really want that to happen?

Here's the problem with prooftexting (taking a single verse out of context to make a point), there is always another verse that can be pulled out of context to make the opposing opinion.

Take 1 Timothy 4:2 for example "Such teaching come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron".

Some think they are just assisting the Holy Spirit with the job of conviction. I would attempt to assist this argument with prooftexting a verse. However, no where does it say, "the Holy Spirit needs your assistance".

Again, I am not trying to beat anyone up with this blog.

I am begging, please consider how you are using Scripture.

Words are powerful.

where the rubber meets the road

2009-08-23T14:43:00.001-07:00

It has been one of those weekends.

I knew Saturday night that my frame of mind may only be improved with a trip through Andy's drive thru and ordering a key lime pie concrete.

You have probably had one of those kind of weekends.

I don't know if the details are as important as the questions that surfaced.

I didn't really ask the questions aloud.

Well, unless you count as I stood over my college best friend's grave.

Through a random series of events, I found myself looking down at the marker and realizing it had been almost 10 years since I talked to her in person. Theologically, I knew as I spoke aloud in that empty cemetery that my voice being projected was more for me than any other.

The conversation was a process of thoughts developing slowly at first and then snowballed into a rather enlightening awareness.

As a pastor, I knew I would be called into hospital hallways during the most vulnerable of times.

This was one of those weekends.

As a fixer, I wanted to have the answers. I never seem to have the answers when it counts.

I didn't have any answers for the family whose son would only call earth his home for only a few more hours.

Or a family whose little boy has had a rough first few weeks of his precious life and seen the inside of a hospital more than anyone should.

I have no answers for the family who just across the field would be burying a husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather and brother. (The reason for being in the cemetery in the first place).

I told this all to the clean cut grass beneath my feet.

My best friend from college who had always seem to have an opinion about my boyfriends and my college dorm decor was silent.

Yea, these questions were between God and I.

What is it that I believe? What is it that I stand before a congregation and profess?

If what I say when I wear a black robe doesn't mean anything in my sandals and capris in CCU or in the middle of a cemetery than it means nothing.

That is when the rubber meets the road. Faith.

If I profess God to be a comforter, than I must believe God to be of comfort when I pray that for a family.

If I profess that God has more for us than this moment, that Jesus' words of a place beyond this place are true, than I must believe it when standing before death.

If I profess that God is a healer than I must believe God can and will heal when it is God's will to do so.

I guess you could say this weekend consisted of some rubber meets the road moments.

And you could say that I figured out where I stood.

I believe that the God I worship on Sunday morning is in the details of life.

The voice that called me into ministry, tenderly whispers to these families "I love you".

The arms that have led me this far, holds each of these people (including you and me) with a gentleness that is beyond understanding.

Yes, when faith meets reality - God is there.

And for that, I am thankful.

Because the key lime concrete only made me feel stuffed.

Church: rain or shine?

2009-08-07T14:28:00.001-07:00

I was on vacation recently and this included a Sunday morning. Yes, a Sunday morning in which I was not required by my employment to put on a robe and stand in front of a church congregation. (Don't get me wrong, I love what I do. I just did not have a place I had to be this particular morning.)

As the day approached, I considered what I would do with my morning. Would I attend the UM church just down the street? It is a small congregation, I would probably stand out. I want to blend in, not stand out this Sunday morning.

I could attend the mega-church across the highway. However, that would be listening to a sermon and some music. Do I want more of an experience than I could receive from a podcast and a CD?

What will I do with my Sunday morning?

As the sun broke through the night, I started to eye my half finished paint job on my garage door. The weather is beautiful. If I get an early start on my painting task, I could have a couple coats on before afternoon arrives. Dilemma, dilemma.

This decision got me thinking about why people attend the church I currently serve. Seriously, why would I expect anyone to attend worship on a beautiful Sunday morning when there are garage doors to be painted?

Okay before you start judging me. Yes, I know Scripture speaks of the reason to be in worship. I know we are called to lift our praises to God in thankfulness...just read the Psalms, its pretty clear why we are to be in corporate worship. That is not my question. I didn't ask if God calls us to gather for worship.

I understand enough about Wesley theology and prevenient grace to know that the Holy Spirit is pursuing our hearts to reconnect with our creator and worship is often used by the Holy Spirit to draw us closer. Again, not the question on the table.

I asked what would bring a stranger into our building to worship instead of tackling the "to do list" in their often too busy life.

What brings that visitor through our doors instead of sleeping in or spending leisure time with family or working in the yard on a Sunday morning?

To hear a powerful and dynamic teaching.

I could listen to a sermon podcasts downloaded off iTunes from any of the well known dynamic preachers that exist today.

To eat a donut and have a cup of coffee from our incredible hospitality ministry.

Krispy Kreme has a drive through, do I need to say more?

To watch our high tech, vibrant and relevant media we use in worship.

I have a hundred channels on my HD flat screen and can rent a movie at McDonalds.

Each of the above points of attraction are important and I appreciate everything our congregation does to enhance our worship, hospitality and technology. And many people attend churches based on these attributes. However, I don't think those things pull people off the paint ladders and into the pew. (Sorry for the continued paint analogy. I am blaming it on the paint fumes.)

So, what is it that brings people through the doors on a Sunday morning?

I think (and this is just a spitball answer from a vacation focused mind) it is community.

Not just community you can receive from being a part of the Rotary Club or a Sorority.

We all desire to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. To be part of a community that is focused on something larger than our little world of garage doors. A community that because of the Holy Spirit will get up at the crack of dawn and serve donuts and coffee. A group of people so focused on what Christ has done they want worship to be dynamic, vibrant, powerful and relevant so more people will become part of the community known as the body of Christ. Because, yes worship is about giving God our best.

However keep in mind next Sunday morning, that person siting next to you in the pew may have put down the paint brush long enough to walk through the church's front door.

Will they find a community of hope within the congregation?

Love your neighbor

2009-07-10T11:37:00.000-07:00

It is my job this Sunday to preach a sermon about "The Good Samaritan" story found in the Gospel of Luke.

UGGGGH!

My heart is so heavy and broken thinking about what it means to care for the "man in need on the side of the road". I feel so limited, cynical and fearful to really say anything profound about reaching out to "someone out there".

Jesus is clear, love your neighbor as yourself.

We are called to reach out to those in need.

Just this afternoon I received two phone calls back to back.

One was a continuation from an event yesterday.

Our doors are locked for the security of 125 preschoolers. I know it is not ideal, but it is also a ministry to keep those children safe. So, someone needing gas money comes to the door and is offended because he is not "greeted at the door like a human being".

Okay, so maybe we don't have the "Open Doors, Open Minds, Open Hearts" completely down.

But can I just be really honest. We wouldn't need doors locked if people didn't come to the door in a belligerent manner and send fear through the building. (I talked to the guy on the phone, he was scary. I am a little worried about those leaving the building over the next few days). That is where the fearful part of the feeling in my heart comes.

How do we reach out in a society that is full of such anger, which creates fear?

So we fail to "love your neighbor as yourself". Ugggghhh!

However, in between the door visit and the phone call accusing me of personally "not having gas money, but you have a really nice sign out there" (If he only really knew about that sign...),

I got another phone call.

During that phone call I found God speaking to me in incredibly moving ways.

I was reminded that "the church" is suppose to be a place where people can be safe to be "the work in process" that we all are.

No, we don't always do it right and to be honest (again) we probably never will always get it right.

John Wesley believes we are all just moving onto perfection - I agree.

Yet, we can still have open hearts and receive another broken heart's words and desire to take this journey together.

In the Gospel, the Samaritan who helped the man on the side of the road, put the man on his own animal and traveled with him to the inn. He didn't send him ahead, he took the journey with him.

We may pass by sometimes without even noticing.

We may even have locked doors.

And yes, we may even get it right, with the Holy Spirit guiding each word.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas discussion questions

2009-07-08T13:15:00.000-07:00

Campbell at the Movies is taking place all through July. On Wednesday night, July 8th we watched The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. If you would like to consider some questions for discussion, check out below and post a response.

see you at the movies!

Discussion questions for The Boy in the Striped Pajamas

1. Prejudice is an attitude while discrimination is a behavior. Explore • these differences?

2. What is a stereotype? Why do people stereotype groups that are different from them? How does the movie depict Nazis stereotyping Jews?

3. When the mother learns that Jews are being exterminated at the camp, she questions her husband. “How can you?” she asks. He responds: “Because I’m a solider.” How do these two perspectives contrast?

4. Why do you think Gretel believes the viewpoints of Lieutenant Kotler, the tutor Liszt, and her father about Jews. Although Bruno is younger than his sister, he questions their viewpoints. Why?

5. One the early turning points for the mother in the movie is saying thank you to Pavel for treating Bruno. What has changed for her at this point? Why do you think she seems open to considering a different perspective?

6. At times, the father is shown as a loving parent and husband. How is this possible given his role as a Nazi officer giving orders to treat people in humanely?

7. How does Bruno justify continuing his friendship with Shmuel despite what his father, sister and tutor said about Jews?

8. The barbed wire fence is a physical separation between Bruno and Shmuel. What other types of separation does the fence represent in this story?

9. Neither Bruno nor Shmuel really know what is going on at the concentration camp. Why is that, and what allows them to keep their innocence?

10. What events and experiences lead Bruno to gradually give up some of his innocence and see things differently?

ministry moments

2009-05-19T18:42:00.000-07:00

I missed the ministry moment, I was a half an hour late. The details are not as important as the simple lost moment. I felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit to move sooner and instead I leaned back in my chair of comfort (okay, not that dramatic, I was in a meeting). This fact is resting heavy on my heart. Thirty minutes on the clock remind me bitterly how "inadequate" I am at doing God's work sometimes.

This is the conversation God and I were having when I returned from my evening walk (gotta get the 7,000 steps) when I noticed the message light blinking on the answer machine. The message is "a heads up" about a ministry need.

Any other time, it would have waited for tomorrow. "I don't know the number, it is in the office". "I have 12 billion pages to read for my upcoming class". "I just started eating this mint ice cream sandwich" (that one is real). Several excuses for putting off the "uncomfortable" can come to mind quickly.

However, this time I was not going to let my "inadequate self" or a mint ice cream sandwich get in the way of a ministry moment. I knew in my insecure heart of hearts that God was giving me another shot. A chance to get "God's work" right this time.

I often question God's plan for humanity to serve humanity in ministry. There has got to be a more efficient way for God's people to feel God's love. Donald Trump would not leave his "business" up to a group of broken misfits like God does. (No matter what you think of Joan Rivers).

However, as pastors we get this incredible opportunity to be used by God in the most precious of moments. And I think that is why God uses those of us that miss the ministry moment every once in awhile. So, when we do "get it right" we know how completely humbling and an honor it is to be used by God.

I was reminded in a very tangible way that I serve a God who is all about second chances, redemption and following the heart.

In tender moments of life, God allows me to step in under the name of Christ. What is that about? I mean, God really knows me. The resume God sees is not typed on fancy paper and only includes the shining highlights of my career. My true resume shows those missed moments, those "foot in the mouth" experiences and the trip-ups.

Except that really isn't the resume in which God sees. For, Christ's blood is spilled all over my resume. It is all seen through the blood of Christ.

Yes, even the missed moments of ministry are covered.

It is not about me. It never has been. It is about God, who never misses a ministry moment. Especially those when I learn the most.

What does love have to do with it?

2009-05-03T21:48:00.001-07:00

I have this theory that I have expressed often when it comes to living life together. I think how we merge in traffic says something about how we live life. To merge from James River Expressway onto Highway 65 without smashing up your car, you have to be aware of those around you. You have to understand when someone needs you to speed up or slow down, to move over or to stay put. Some people merge well, some do not and seem to escape the auto body shop by the skin of their teeth. There are times in our lives when we merge well and sometimes we are just going to crash.

To live life well, we must be aware of others. We must look around and take into consideration another’s needs.

I found a new analogy this past Sunday. At lunch in a busy restaurant, one where you order first and then find your seat, all the tables were taken. We planted ourselves with our drinks by a booth to spy out an empty table. Nearby set a man with his newspaper spread out and his full glass of ice tea and his empty dishes. The employee cleared his dishes and he got up…to get a cookie. With no plan to depart anytime soon, he unwrapped his sugar cookie and nestled in for some refreshing alone time.

I really can’t blame him. Though there were many awaiting an empty table. He was completely unaware of the need that existed all around him for his four-seat booth. He probably doesn’t merge well in traffic either.

We are several weeks into our sermon series “Amazing Love” as we walk through the book of 1 John. “Dear friends, let us love one another, for loves comes from God”. I know I don’t always love well. I know if you were honest, you would have to admit the same. Sometimes we merge well in traffic…sometimes it is best to stay off the road. However, God does not leave us there. God is love and the more time we spend with God the better we love.

Here’s another analogy. Several, several years ago my driver’s education teacher took me driving on the highway for the first time. I can guarantee I did not merge well in traffic. I didn’t drive well (period). I almost hit my driver’s education teacher’s garage once. (Good story, though not as good as Mary’s tulip story!) I did hit my parent’s garage (a couple times). However, I drive much better now. I haven’t hit a garage in decades. I currently merge into traffic with great ease. Why, because I have spent some years behind the wheel of a car learning how to drive.

God is love. When we spend time with God, we love better.

Seems rather basic to me.

abiding in love

2009-04-28T21:34:00.000-07:00

I know when I have been spending time with God. And I have to admit, so do the people around me. I am more loving.

We are in the middle of a sermon series on God's amazing love and in a couple weeks we will be looking at the Scripture on "God is love". It seems so simple, doesn't it?

God is love. Spend time in God's presence and we will know how to love.

However, the world has a way of getting in between us and God...love.

And before we know it, love is not something on our heart or mind.

It can be a big thing, it can be a little thing, it can be a little thing that we make a big thing.

I don't know what it is for you. I don't know what it will be for me tomorrow or the day after.

Yet, I know God says, spend time with me and you will love because I love you.

It doesn't say, we will love because everything is going right.

It doesn't say, we will love because everyone is nice.

It doesn't say, we will love because we have gotten all the sleep and fruit and vegetables we need.

It doesn't say, we will love because everyone we are frustrated with "gets a brain and figures out what an idiot they have been".

You get my point.

We love because God first loved us. We love when we abide in God.

So how we love has little to do with our state of mind or heart or the world's state. It has everything to do with our state of spending time with the Lord.

So, on my list of things to do this week. I have added, spend time with God.

I hope you notice.

Sheets, tulips and Easter

2009-04-06T17:17:00.000-07:00

I have just spent the last half an hour attempting to cover my plants and flowers for the upcoming 20 degree weather. I have pulled all the sheets I have out of my linen closet and sprawled across flowerbeds to cover flowers that I could replace for a couple dollars in a few weeks. Yet still my fingertips are a little numb from wandering around in the cold weather securing the Harry Potter fleece.

Do you think the tulips thanked me? No, actually the rose bush pricked my fingertips.

However, if I was to be completely honest, I have to admit I would probably rig a heater out to the front yard to save my bleeding heart. Relax, I am not going to do it...fire hazard.

These are my flowers. I dug around in the dirt and planted those bulbs last Fall. I replanted that bleeding heart from a friend's house. I have watched that rosebush survive three seasons of those stupid Japanese beetles and way too many of these weird April cold fronts. I would do about anything to save them...

Save them...

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable then they. Matthew 6:26

Sunday is Easter. Not a day to celebrate Cadbury chocolate eggs (though that is a blessing from God). It is more about this week, Holy week. The week that we consider the journey Christ took to the cross. What Jesus did to save us.

The betrayal, the beatings, the blood.

All to save humanity from ourselves, really.

You and me, sinful fools.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. John 3:16-17

Isaiah 40:28-31

2009-03-11T22:21:00.000-07:00

I really appreciate a Scripture that talks about soaring.

However, I don't know how much soaring I have been doing lately.

Some days I feel more like the only eagles I have seen...the ones in cages and their wings are clipped.

I sure have been doing my share of waiting on the Lord.

And that is okay. I can sometimes be an little impatient, so this is a great lesson for me to be learning.

I heard a Bible Study teacher recently pointing out this Scripture is not about waiting on an "event", but waiting on the Lord. Waiting to be renewed by God. Not waiting for that event, moment or action to take place in our lives. Waiting on the Lord.

Not an easy task.

Sometimes I can wait for something to happen to be renewed. Depending on this or that to take place before I feel like soaring.

But the truth is...we soar when we hope, wait, depend on the Lord.

So, I have been praying this Scripture a lot lately.

Thought you might need to be reminded yourself that God desires for us all to "not get weary". Be renewed...wait on the Lord.

Saving oneself

2009-03-03T14:55:00.000-08:00

I am not a swimmer. My parents signed me up for swim lessons often as a child. We had a swimming pool in our backyard for years...I just never really learned how to swim.

I am not a fan of large bodies of water. If I am on a boat - yea, I am good with water. If I am on a wave runner (back when I had time to go to the lake, that is what they were called) - yea, I like water. I try to drink my 8 full 8 ounces of water a day. I guess you could say I like water.

I just don't like the idea of going down with water around. I have never had a bad experience with water. It may just be too many movies with a similar idea as the motif.

I have been thinking a lot about lifeguards saving people lately. I have not really ever seen a lifeguard save anyone. All the lifeguards I have seen consist of those at Whitewater who hang out up high in their chairs and look cool.

However, a particular visual has come to mind and I have not been able to shake it (possibly similar to Molly on Jason's mind...Bachelor reference).

Years ago, I heard a preacher talk about having to save someone who was drowning. The person fought so much to try to save themselves, they made it really difficult for the lifeguard to save them. Almost making it impossible.

The visual has paired up with some Scripture I have been reading lately and the connection has not left my heart.

How much do we try to keep ourselves afloat that we fight anyone who is trying to help us.

Have you been there? Do you know someone who almost took your eye out when you offered assistance because they were too busy flapping their arms to stay afloat? I have to admit, I have probably been that person more times than I can admit.

The prophet Isaiah said something about those that wait on the Lord...will mount up like eagles. Hmmmm.

If my choice is between going down or mounting up...I think I will soar with the eagles.

What is necessary for that to take place? Waiting on the Lord.

Except I am not any better at waiting than swimming....ugh.

Just something to think about this Lent.

Acceptance

2009-02-05T14:30:00.000-08:00

Revisiting a recent thought from Women's Retreat 09

I am a little addicted to The Bachelor, season 13. In who will Jason, the single dad from Seattle find love? That is the question that keeps me turning on the television at 7:00 p.m. every Monday night. However, recently my mind has been considering a lesson to be learned from the show. It hit me as I listened to Nicki on her "limo rejection ride" after not receiving the rose a couple weeks ago. She admitted that she was just not pretty, smart or good enough and it broke my heart.

How many of us have sought after something only to come up realizing we just were not good enough? Maybe it was love lost or maybe it was that part in a play (which I heard someone confess just this morning). Maybe it was a job opportunity or the acceptance from another (parent, sibling, child, pet...).

On The Bachelor, the women all desire to receive the rose from Jason. The rose represents his acceptance, a chance at love or even the opportunity to spend one more week on TV.

Jason offers the woman he chooses the rose with the question "Will you accept this rose?"

This question and rose represents Jason's acceptance and the women who are recipients glow with joy.

What in your life represents the rose? Who is it that you seek acceptance from? Don't we all have that person or situation that we are desiring a particular response?

I don't think it is just a "women thing". I just happen to know that women have a thing about acceptance and wanting it from those around them.

God wants us (male or female) to know we are not only accepted, but loved passionately by God. Loved so much that "God gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life" (John 3:16).

Jesus came to earth, taught, healed and did miracles, died on a cross carrying our sins and three days later...rose.

Will we accept this rose?

You are Loved.

2009-01-23T14:05:00.000-08:00

"God understands our thoughts long before they are clothed with words".

Do I need to tell you who wrote that sentence originally? John Wesley, of course.

However, I would like to move away from my obsession with John for a moment. Did I just hear a loud sigh of relief? Okay, maybe he has been at the center of my thoughts recently. Soon and very soon, Wesley will take a back seat to my Spring classes. For now, on to more important points and yes, I have one.

The idea that God understands (not just "knows", but understands) my thoughts - that is assuring to me. It could be scary, but God loves me - so I don't feel judged. How many relationships do I have in my life where if that person knew all my thoughts it would be okay?

I think I can honestly say, a couple relationships where I do not feel judged or condemned for something stupid, petty, mean or dramatic entering my mind.

Most people will never know the million thoughts that fly through my brain. However, if you know me, you know that about a 1/2 million things that fly through my brain do get "clothed with words". Yes, many will know about 1/2 of my thoughts if they are around me much.

Yet, there are those that know my heart. Where I can just call and say, "I need to get this off my chest. I know you could think less of me as I tell you this thought, but I trust that you will hear me and still accept me". Those people that God has placed in my life to get a glimpse of how God desires to be in relationship with me. The judgement is absent, the acceptance is abundant, now we just need to find the realization. The realization that God loves me.

This "realization" made me also "realize" that one reason there can be fear in knowing God understands our thoughts before we put words to them is that we don't have that kind of understanding of God.

We fear because we don't understand God's love. God's incredible, unmatchable, exceeds our imagination, passionate and unconditional love.

"For God so loved the world..." read the book of John. (Do you expect me to do everything for you, come on...I got some more John Wesley to read).

blessings,

Still in love

2009-01-16T16:33:00.000-08:00

Yes, he is short in stature, but incredibly tall in ethics. He may even have a tendency towards being considered a mama's boy. However, Susanna only meant to guide her son and you really can't blame her for that. If he received even a small piece of the passion he has from his mom, then thank you Susy (can I call her that?)

My heart still skips a beat when I read his writings. "A heart deep-dyed with generous honesty" - how can you not smile? My admiration has grown to the point that his picture now rests on my desk. And yes, I know he has made some mistakes. However, his desire to grow and be transformed only makes my heart draw closer. Can you really knock someone from leaving Georgia quickly? If it wasn't for Paula Dean's restaurant, I would not have stayed long myself.

Relax, I only have a couple more weeks of being consumed with John Wesley. My summaries will be written, I will take the final and then have to move on to the Hebrew language. But for now, my love for John Wesley will continue. If nothing else, possibly my heart will be reminded it is "stamped with the image of Christ" (another beautiful Wesley phrase).

If you are looking to fall in love, move away from eHarmony and borrow my 16 volume set of John Wesley's Works instead.

Falling in love

2009-01-02T13:15:00.000-08:00

I have found myself falling in love...

with John Wesley. I know, he died over 300 years ago and during his life had very little, if any success in relationships (there's something we have in common).

Yet, I find myself smiling as I read his words and my heart is filled with admiration (and the music swells and the camera pans out).

Over the last month I have been knee deep in the writings of John Wesley, the founder of Methodism. Now, ordinarily I would not find myself enjoying a night of reading John Wesley's 52 Standard Sermons a highlight. Yet, what an incredible writer.

"But the fact we know; namely, that the Spirit of God does give a believer such a testimony of his adoption, that while it is present to the soul, he can no more doubt the reality of his sonship, than he can doubt of the shining of the sun, while he stands in the full blaze of his beams". Sermon X, Witness of the Spirit, Part 1.

Even more than a kindled love for his writings, I have been reminded of what this whole things is about. Why being a part of this particular denomination is actually something to also smile and have admiration about.

I will be the first to admit that there are times when I want to just hang my head as I read about the happenings taking place in United Methodist corners of the world, especially America. I have been a United Methodist almost my whole life. I have born in 1968, the same year this denomination became "united". However, as with every other mainline denomination and those not so mainline, the UM can get distracted (can't we all).

As we have become concerned about numbers, political correctness and actual, politics in general, we have forgotten our first love. Don't get me wrong. Yes, we should be concerned about numbers, political correctness, politics, especially in how it relates to social justice. We should always be concerned about how to serve our neighbors in all ways and forms (break out the cell phone and text your thoughts right now!). Within all this concern, what are we rallying people behind? What is the great cause for which we are worrying about numbers and political correctness?

"That I am a child of God; that Jesus Christ hath loved me, and given himself for me; that all my sins are blotted out, and I, even I, am reconciled to God." Sermon XI and about a hundred other John Wesley sermons.

I believe in what the United Methodist Church is doing in the world today. I believe in what the United Methodist Church is doing on my corner. As a United Methodist pastor, I just don't want to lose track of what Wesley seem to have etched in his heart (after sorting and struggling through much).

John made his share of mistakes. However, his assurance of the above fact was a driving force in a majority of his writings.

May my own witness of the Spirit be the driving force behind what I do as a UM pastor and a part of humanity.

New Year

2008-12-31T10:40:00.000-08:00

I am looking forward to the turn of the calendar from 2008 to 2009 for many reasons.

One simple reason is...a friend gave me a new calendar and I can't wait to read what "the office" saying is for January 2, 2009.

In case you are curious, the January 1 saying comes from Michael about being the "top dog in a fairly large pond".

The year 2009 means I am one year closer to graduation for my master's degree. And trust me, that is a very good reason to look forward to the turn of the calendar.

Another reason is the new year always holds all these new possibilities. Maybe the old year had some disappointments, however the new year has not disappointed anyone yet. Don't get me wrong, 2008 was a good year. Yet, along with the joys there always are some tears.

This upcoming year only has joy in my mind. I guess I am a "glass 1/2 full" kind of person. The older I get the more open I am to the unknown.

Okay, for those of you laughing so hard you are falling off your chair...I mean that I do much better not knowing what is ahead.

Andy preached a couple weeks ago about the angel saying to the shepherd "Do not fear". He pointed out that for some of us that is all we need to hear from the Christmas story. This year, I needed to hear the angel's proclamation to the shepherds.

Fear can trap us into needing to know the next move. For me, fear has a lot to do with a need for control. As long as I know what is ahead, I can in some way prepare and it is less scary. However, there is really no way to know what is ahead at all times. We just cannot manipulate our days to that degree.

I know I am not alone - I know many of you out there. This is a safe place to proclaim the fact - we are recovering control freaks!

I am claiming the "recovering" part of the title because for 2009 I am holding no expectations (well, okay only a few). I am going to embrace the unknown of this next year (well, okay reach my hand out). Remember, it is all about baby steps.

See you in 2009 and all the new year holds. May we laugh and yes at times, cry together in the next year.

Christmas isn't Christmas until...

2008-12-25T12:45:00.000-08:00

It is Christmas day. I just finished some left over pasta from my dinner Christmas Eve (thanks Barth). I am now eating some banana bread (thank Martha Stewart-Peck) and sipping some hot cider (thanks Erin Bryan). I am going to see Marley and Me with some friends later.

It's Christmas day. How are we suppose to spend Christmas? What is Christmas suppose to look like? What is the day suppose to feel like? What is Christmas?

A lot of questions, not so many answers.

It's Christmas day.

I'm at my computer because I am attempting to work on my sermon for Sunday (don't feel bad, I am doing it now so I can be free on Saturday to spend with my family).

The fact is - I am struggling to get to the real core of what I want to say.

The sermon is about Jesus (no surprises there).

The sermon is also about Simeon and Anna in the gospel of Luke. They didn't miss Jesus, they didn't miss Jesus' purpose. They got what Christmas was suppose to be? Do we?

It's Christmas day.

I am very aware this Christmas of the loneliness in hearts this time of year.

I held a widow's hand recently attempting to console her as she struggled with her first Christmas without her husband after 50 something years.

I am aware of divorced parents spending this Christmas alone because it is the off holiday for custody.

I am aware of families attempting to make the best of the day in the midst of financial struggles.

I am just aware of the heartache in the world today.

It is Christmas day, what is it suppose to look like?

Did Jesus mean to make a one night appearance where people scurry around in preparation and the anticipation is incredibly high and then it is over?

No, I think Jesus came - Emmanuel "God with us" because of hope.

The hope of the Christmas story is to be a part of each moment all year long.

Nativity sets are great. However, Jesus did not stay a baby.

Jesus came to bring salvation, to bring hope to a broken world. The hope is not just for today, but each day.

It's Christmas day.

Isn't that just like God?

2008-12-18T10:14:00.000-08:00

I have been pastoring. No, I have not been out in the field watching my flock by night. That is a pasture. This is about being a pastor. Gotta it?

I have been talking with someone who is struggling with life. Nothing deep or even different then what life hands each of us every once in awhile. Just life.

I like when God gives me words that surpass any wisdom I would ever think of having at a moment and I get to pass those profound thoughts on to another. That is pastoring (no, it is not a real verb - but I like the word anyway). Give me a break, I am not writing a paper for my philosophy class, just putting some words down on a blog...don't get distracted by my made up words. Stay focused.

The interesting aspect of this moment is the fact it took place over facebook. Yea, the internet community that carries advertisements for teeth whitening and Oprah's new diet ideas. God used this crazy "devil filled" internet so I could reach out to someone hours away and say, "hey, I hear you and I understand".

Isn't that just like God? Yea, God used a burning bush with Moses. God used a talking mule with Balaam. And God used a pregnant teenager (that I still believe was a virgin) to bring a savior into this world. Don't underestimate God to use about anything to remind humanity that their creator is still well aware of their needs and loves them passionately.

Isn't that just like God?

Its A Wonderful Life

2008-12-10T08:28:00.000-08:00

My favorite Christmas movie is "It's A Wonderful Life". At least once a season I watch the happenings of that "ole broken down Building and Loan". I had my appointment with Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed this past Monday night.

I posted my last final for the semester and plopped in the recliner to reintroduce myself to the Frank Capra classic.

It never fails - I got nervous when I knew George is going to be getting in trouble and I still wish Uncle Billy wasn't such a flake. Somehow he should know the money is in the newspaper. And what is with Potter being such a jerk!

Of course, it doesn't matter how many times I have seen the movie, I still cry at the end.

However, this year I watched the movie with a little philosophy of religion (one of my last semester classes) on my mind. The most interesting topic this past semester was the idea of what makes up someone. Is it our physical being or our soul? As a Christian, I always thought soul right off, without any more discussion. However, a new option was given this past semester, what about our relationships? The idea that the relationships in our lives make us who we are intrigued me.

In the movie George was still physically present after Clarence grants his wish of "never being born". Obviously his soul was still around. However, did he really exist? Yes, he interacted with the world now known as Pottersville. Yet, he was "missing" his life.

What was missing for George that finally drove him to want his wonderful life back?

His relationships. His wife Mary and his children.

What makes me cry every year? It's not the soul part of George - when we see the presence of God working in his life through Clarence (though that is a nice part of the movie).

It's not the physical aspect - when George's lip starts bleeding again. Though I get excited right along with George when he starts screaming "my mouths bleeding, Ernie, my mouths bleeding". And don't forget Zuzu's petals.

No, I completely lose it and break out the tissues when Uncle Billy comes in with the basket.

When all of George's relationships pile into his crowded living room you know why Clarence gets his wings.

So, I don't know how I did on my philosophy final. But it is a wonderful life.

Merry Christmas, Mr Potter!

fantasy football again

2008-11-30T13:37:00.000-08:00

I will be glad when fantasy football season is over.

Every Sunday, I pull up the game center screen to see my team members bringing in the points...or not bringing in the points and I question my decisions.

If I had put the Patriots defense in instead of leaving the Cardinals defense line in I would have 15 more points.

Why did I keep Jacobs in the alternates?

Was Hills on the injury list last time I looked at my team lineup?

My afternoon ends up full of regret simply because a Running back that I do not even know what team he plays for has a hurt toe and could not play again the Raiders this Sunday afternoon. Seriously, I am not distraught over the fact my Groundhogs are last in their division (possibly the league). However, I spend a little time thinking "if I had only...".

This got me thinking.

How much do I say "if I had only..." (or if I had only not...) on issues a little more important than the Groundhogs lineup? Several members of our congregation have lost family members in the last several weeks. This week we will have a service for a man that loved horses, tennis and his family. I did not know him and only have a letter he wrote to his daughter and a letter his daughter wrote to him. But something in those letters tells me that his life was lived with a confidence of his salvation and the love he had for his family.

When it is all said and done my Groundhogs will probably have a losing record and that will be okay. When it is all said and done for me, I want to have lived with the confidence of a life well lived and no "if I had only...".

friends

2008-11-21T10:49:00.000-08:00

There is a preschool in the building where I work. Over a hundred infants to pre-k travel the hallways throughout any given day with many conversations and songs being shared on the journey.

Earlier this week, I was heading to the kitchen and stopped to allow a group of pre-k to turn the corner and head to the playground. I caught an interesting question being shared over and over by a little girl to the girl in front of her. "Is Madeline (name has been changed to protect the curious) or I your best friend?" Over and over this girl asked the question in an attempt to get the answer she wanted from the girl she hoped was her best friend. I never heard the answer.

As I continued my path to get ice for my afternoon diet coke, it hit me how early we seek significant relationship in our life. Wow, four years old and this little girl is determined to find out where she stands on the friendship chain.

I remember my best friend Stacy who lived across the street when I was 4 years old. We watched Donny and Marie together, went in her dad's jeep to get Icees or followed our older brothers around the neighborhood. That is what best friends did together.

Now, thirty-five years later I had dinner with a friend last night. She mentioned what it meant to have me there when her daughter had surgery. She has given me invaluable advice over the dozen plus years I have known her. That is what best friends do together.

We are wired for relationships, especially women. We want to share life together. When we are 4-5 years old it is about who is going to play with who on the playground. When we are "much" older it is about encouraging my friend to get her interview papers done for her chaplain application or for a friend to tell me that it is okay to feel "jr. high like" for the moment.

We all are asking the question or similar questions - am I significant to you? That is just how we are wired.

Significance

2008-11-04T19:23:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking a lot about significance lately. Mostly because that is the sermon topic coming up and my mind has to go there. However, it also has a lot to do with the election period we just went through as a country.

It is said this will be record breaking voter turn out. I am not going to attempt to guess what the reason for the record breaking numbers - it really doesn't matter in the long run. People got out and voted because they believe their vote is significant to a big decision. I waited in the voter line for 45 minutes because I thought the way I filled out the little circle mattered. I still believe that to be true. I think it is important that we vote and each vote matter.

But the election is over. There has been a lot of energy (or at least Facebook space) used toward this election. What's next?

What we do with our time does matter. The causes we support and the energy we used toward activities and events matter. Does what I focus on day in and day out make a difference for the kingdom of God?

I don't mean to upset anyone, but in twenty five years from now will anyone thank you for the words you spoke or the words you typed for a particular candidate. I don't know - maybe because of the history made during this election some will be remembered.

Still, I think the words will be forgotten in a couple decades.

However, this morning I ran into one of my youth sponsors from (you guessed it) twenty five years ago. I remember the time she poured into our youth program. My heart is full with what she meant and means to me. I can remember different moments she spent with us as youth. Her time was significant to me and who I am today.

I want to spend my time being significant.

Just a thought.

2008-10-27T09:48:00.000-07:00

I can hear the pump truck emptying out my septic tank this morning as I get ready. Yes, my house is on a septic tank and too often I have to have it emptied. I am in hope I do not have to go into detail of what is being pumped up and taken away. But please stay with me - I have a point.

Before I became completely aware of what was taking place in my back yard - I was in prayer. Prayer for family and friends in my life - I do that as I dry my hair in the morning (you should try it, it is a great time to spend with God and also explains why my hair either looks really good or doesn't look too great).

Back to my point...when I realized the sound and what was taking place - it hit me. I was praying that the lives I was lifting to God would be cleared of the situations or circumstances that were hurting or causing them pain. That God would move in their lives toward healing or discernment.

The sound of the pump truck made me wish I could just have a truck pull into my heart or life and start cleaning out the "eck" that can fill it some times. The people I care about could just call "Pump It" and have their lives cleared of the pain and hurt that can fill their days.

That became my prayer.

So in case you don't think you can pray because you don't know what to pray for...

what's it say?

2008-10-07T09:45:00.000-07:00

I have two pending thoughts on my mind right now (okay, possibly more - but two that are pushing against my thought process).

First, I am getting close to having 100 facebook friends. Why has that become a goal? Seriously, facebook friends are not people I am going to be able to call to borrow money - so why is it important to get to 100? Is it about popularity - I don't think so. Seriously, does it define me? NO. It probably is as simple as the round number will just make me feel better. Nothing more.

Second, have you noticed that people are more likely to speak their political views than their religious views. Being in ministry, I will admit I am more likely to keep my mouth shut about who I am going to vote for and my mouth open about who I serve (that would be God). I know people will respond to that comment with a simple - but, don't you want your candidate to win and you want people to know why. Don't I want people to know about my savior? I am not against speaking your political views. My question is - do you speak your religious views as boldly? Are you more likely to feel that is a personal choice to follow Christ or Buddha? So, you shouldn't say anything. How can you feel that way about religion (I am not a fan of that word) and not feel that way about politics? Jesus came to save the world...isn't that important. Or is that just one opinion among many opinions about religion in the world? Wait, isn't that politics also. Again, I am not against speaking your political views - my question is: are you as bold when it comes to your faith? Or is the question - are you as sure about your faith as you are about you politics? That is another blog discussion.

I may get a "I love Jesus" sign to put in my yard. Can you image a debate between Jesus and Buddha?

bad directory pictures

2008-10-02T12:25:00.000-07:00

It became time for a new church directory, which means a new picture. Since I still use a directory picture taken over 8 years ago on my staff ID, you can imagine my excitement about getting my picture taken again. Not.

I really should have known how this would go when I had to reschedule my appointment three times. Can't do it on Thursday - concert, move it to Wednesday, no - walking club. Friday 9:10 p.m. after the wedding rehearsal - yea, that will work.

I left the cheesecake at the rehearsal dinner and made my way over to the church to sit in front of the lights. The photographer snapped, I waited for the salesperson to show me the results and then I said, "I would like a retake".

I forgot how tired I would be after working since 9 a.m. (or at least that is what I am blaming the poor pictures on). My eyeballs literally went in different directions in the picture - that cannot be good.

Here is my point, you know I have one. That one moment behind a camera captured on digital does not capture me. Anymore than one moment or season in our lives defines who we are or what are life is about. There will be moments when I look good and moments when I look bad. There will be moments full of laughter and moments full of tears. It is part of this journey.

brain overload

2008-09-18T21:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my brain just shuts down. Have you ever had that happen?

Between figuring out my assignments due for Discipleship of the Family and writing my Philosophy of Religion paper on the account of freedom mentioned in the Westminster Confession - the brain is fried. Oh wait, I forgot to mention that I also have a full time job. Hmmmm, would that explain the lack of sleep?

Anyway, my brain is on overload, so I pause to drop some thoughts in the "ole blog spot".

The thought has to do with my cat.

I jump from one responsibility to another in complete chaos, while she sleeps.

Yes, she will jump up from her spot on the chair to graze at her food bowl or to take a few sips of water. She will walk over by me and stroll across the area between me and my computer - to remind me that she is still around. Or maybe she will lift her head to lick her toe (paw, foot...whatever it is) from her resting posture. However, most of the time she sleeps.

I want to relax like that. And here is my thought on this desire. I don't think my cat's ability to relax has to do with the lack of things on her "to do" list (she doesn't have one in case you wondered). I think it has to do with the fact that this is just what she does - she sleeps and lays around. I want to call it an attitude to make a particular point in this blog.

Do I have to overload my brain? What if I took a break and called a friend? Would the sky fall? Maybe the condition of my brain has more to do with my attitude. What if I just took some time to relax? Maybe my brain would not get lost in theological determinism. Okay, it probably would anyway - but at least I might get a nap in!

What's that about?

2008-09-17T19:22:00.000-07:00

The Israelites wandered around in the wilderness for 40 years. They whined and complained most of the time.

I am very aware of this because I am reading the book of Exodus right now and I just turned 40. Experiencing those two things at the same time is probably not healthy for the psyche.

I want to whine and complain about a list of things in my life, yet I see where it got the Israelites and I shut my mouth quickly.

God did not provide for the Israelites because they complained. God provides because God is faithful.

I am wandering and I have been wandering for 40 years now. And yes, God has been faithful and has been faithful for 40 years through times of drought and times of manna. My complaints have not related to the drought or manna times - but my lessons have!

What's that about?

football

2008-09-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

I am taking part in a fantasy football league. Yes, the Groundhogs are my team. The unusual part of this statement is - I know nothing about football. I will watch a high school game if a student I know is playing. I may put on some Chief apparel because I lived in Kansas City for a couple of years and my brother is a fan. You would have never found me sitting in my recliner watching a Sunday game - however, that is all about to change.

I found myself this morning during hospital visits wanting to yell "go team" to a woman wearing a Patriots sweatshirt (Tom Brady is the quarterback for my fantasy football team). I can now tell you which player is probably going to play this weekend in spite of his hurt foot. A teammate stepped on it with cleats while he was wearing socks during a run. Couldn't tell you if it is my running back or my wide receiver. (It is the first week).

I feel pretty good about my team. It was an automatic draft and I just let the cards fall where they would. And it worked out well for me, I think. (Remember I don't know much about football.)

This is an interesting thought process since I am in the middle of philosophy of religion and reading about God's interaction with humanity. Does God interact? How much free will do we have? Is it all about a flip of the card and a spin of the wheel? I don't have all the answers to those questions (it is only the first week of class).

I believe God does guide us. As the pillar of cloud and fire guided the Israelites in the book of Exodus - I believe God guides me. Sometimes I am not always following, but that is a whole different issue.

So, I will leave my Groundhog team up to fate, but my life is in God's hands.

ipod

2008-08-23T15:21:00.000-07:00

I washed my ipod this morning.

At this moment, the only person celebrating is Steve Jobs - he knows I will have to buy another one. It sucked. I can't believe I did it. Not because of some material issue. It was stupid of me (I should have known better) and I hate that.

I have spent the day wanting to rewind and not toss it into the washer with my sheets (its a long story). This desire to rewind got me thinking about how many times I wish I could rewind moments. Some of them good and experience them all over. Other times I would want to play it differently this time. The slip of the tongue, the wrong word at the wrong moment and even the cruel words when I should have shared kind words.

However, I can't rewind any of the moments. So the lesson learned is - try to get the moment right the first time!

one inch deep

2008-08-22T12:17:00.000-07:00

I heard a bible study teacher awhile back talk about how we have 100 relationships, however they are only an inch deep. Sometimes, that is more obvious than other times in my life.

I was talking yesterday with our pastor about facebook. I have 41 friends, which is little compared to the 500+ that many have. Yet, most facebook friends are not people you would call if you found yourself in jail and needing someone to bail you out at 2:00 in the morning. So what does that mean?

We have 100 relationships that are only an inch deep.

When I purchase a new cell phone, my first concern is getting my phonebook transfered. I don't want to lose the 75 phone numbers I have programed. Yet, if you were to check my call history - there is only 4 phone numbers I call/text on a regular basis.

I have 100 relationships that are only an inch deep.

I will admit, I text because I don't want to bother the person on the other end or I don't want to be bothered on this end with a long conversation. I have unlimited texting.

I have 100 relationships that are only an inch deep.

This phenomenon is not a problem as long as somewhere in our phonebook we have one or two relationships that run 100 miles deep. Those that we can call when we find ourselves in need of a rescue (and even more important - can call us). How is your depth? It takes time, something most of us are limited on.

The other problem with this trend is that we tend to consider our relationship with God in the category of shallow relationships. So, we never develop an understanding of the passionate love Christ expressed for us and the peace available through taking time to develop the relationship.

Just some shallow thoughts on a Friday afternoon.

blogging

2008-08-08T11:47:00.000-07:00

I thought when I finally set up a blog - I would have such profound thoughts to share. Now I cannot think of one single thing to say. I hate when that happens.

I am in the middle of Church History 2 and we heard a lecture today on Karl Barth. I thought the guy was an idiot before I read his stuff. Why did I think he was an idiot? Because people that quote him come off as idiots (I will let you figure out who that might be).

So, to throw myself into that bunch... "It is by Him, Jesus Christ, and for Him and to Him, that the universe is created as a theater for God's dealing with man and man's dealings with God". Karl Barth "The Doctrine of Election" Isn't that use of the word theater kinda cool?

"What God does not find in us He finds abundantly in Him - with sufficient wealth to make up for all that lacks in us". Karl Barth "Theological Anthropology"

"Him" - that's Jesus!

I will not stay long in this 19th century theologian place - trust me.